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What you Resist - Persists
No more roadblocks! I realized what has been stopping me from completing my Descansos project.
If it wasn't for an exercise that we did on workday #2, I would have never realized that the sadness that possessed me originated from my days living in the South Bronx. I lived my whole life with the premise that "they will not take me! I will not be the next victim on the side of the road!" I am tough & they will not get me! This was all to hide the fact that I was really a scared little boy facing death & not knowing how to deal with it. This dates back to some of my childhood experiences of living in the war-torn South Bronx of the 70's. A place where violence, gangs and territory wars were the events of the day.
I realize now that it was only five years of my life. I also realized that in trying to block out the negative events from my past, I have inadvertently blocked out every good memory as well.
"What you resist - persists"
So to live my possibility of Self-Expression, I also took on creating a blog of those stories. By telling the stories (read them here), I am now able to release my anger; my fears and my stories of what happened in the past. I am able to live a life where the past is really behind me. A life where I can say:
I lived in the Bronx. I experience death around me & that is the past. I am no longer fearful & I am not the next victim on the side of the road.
So I came to understand that this past kept creeping up on me and I was constantly resisting it. This project has confronted me with my past. Those memories were so well repressed that I did not accept them as stories. I lived them as who I am. I always felt at risk of being the next victim on the side of the road - I was angry, sad, and scared. Now I create my life. I was living my future based on my past, but now my future will be a clean slate.
I have the freedom to co-create my life with God by my side. I am a Tabula Rasa. A free, self-authored mind that will be a creation of my future.
Therefore, the premise for the Descansos project is for the families to tell their stories. Allow those stories to exist outside of you & not define you. I want the families to see the artist's expression & see that the story lives over there now. They can now have room to create their lives. They too can have a Tabula Rasa where their life can flourish - never forgetting the past - but realizing that the past cannot define the future.
If it wasn't for an exercise that we did on workday #2, I would have never realized that the sadness that possessed me originated from my days living in the South Bronx. I lived my whole life with the premise that "they will not take me! I will not be the next victim on the side of the road!" I am tough & they will not get me! This was all to hide the fact that I was really a scared little boy facing death & not knowing how to deal with it. This dates back to some of my childhood experiences of living in the war-torn South Bronx of the 70's. A place where violence, gangs and territory wars were the events of the day.
I realize now that it was only five years of my life. I also realized that in trying to block out the negative events from my past, I have inadvertently blocked out every good memory as well.
"What you resist - persists"
So to live my possibility of Self-Expression, I also took on creating a blog of those stories. By telling the stories (read them here), I am now able to release my anger; my fears and my stories of what happened in the past. I am able to live a life where the past is really behind me. A life where I can say:
I lived in the Bronx. I experience death around me & that is the past. I am no longer fearful & I am not the next victim on the side of the road.
So I came to understand that this past kept creeping up on me and I was constantly resisting it. This project has confronted me with my past. Those memories were so well repressed that I did not accept them as stories. I lived them as who I am. I always felt at risk of being the next victim on the side of the road - I was angry, sad, and scared. Now I create my life. I was living my future based on my past, but now my future will be a clean slate.
I have the freedom to co-create my life with God by my side. I am a Tabula Rasa. A free, self-authored mind that will be a creation of my future.
Therefore, the premise for the Descansos project is for the families to tell their stories. Allow those stories to exist outside of you & not define you. I want the families to see the artist's expression & see that the story lives over there now. They can now have room to create their lives. They too can have a Tabula Rasa where their life can flourish - never forgetting the past - but realizing that the past cannot define the future.
Labels: SELP, transformation