Helping Him Cry

I have always been uncertain what to say to console someone who has lost a loved one. What can I say - what can I do that would actually make a difference for them?

I can't say that I know what they are going thru - because I really don't know. I feel saying "I'm sorry about your loss" seems insufficient. I am truly sorry, but what difference does that really make for them.

Words sometimes feel so inadequate - they can't convey true feelings. But I feel that something must be done to let them know I'm there for them.

Well let me share this story to see if this makes a difference for you - it did for me: (UPDATE: I replaced the previous story - which I received in an email - with this one that has a quotable source.)

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing ... I just helped him cry."

Just listened & help him cry. Sometimes this is all we need to do. "Doing" is the easy way. Sure we can "do" something to make them feel better, but it is more difficult to decide to just "be with" that person.

Words or actions are not required to touch the heart.