Human Nature...

If you believe as I do ...

no one truly dies until there's no one left to remember them.

...then you can understand why somebody would put up a roadside memorial marker for a loved one.

This came up because I was reading the Wichita Eagle blog and there were a lot of comments by people who cannot understand why somebody would put up a marker. The comments ranged from "I can sympathize, but..." to "I don't get it..." to some as callous as "People eventually get over the death of a loved one. That's human nature..."

When a loved one dies of natural causes, yes grieving is just a matter of time because there is nothing that "I could have done to prevent it."

But when their life is taken by a careless/ distracted/ drunk driver - before their time - then no! it is not as easy to get over it.

I know families who are still grieving, even years after the loss. Some fatalities were so tragic that there was no body to bury. Where can they go to show their respect? The only spot they have is the actual site where their loved one took their last breath.

All I am trying to say is that we can all have our opinions and they are all valid. But no one will know how they are going to react if/or when it happens to THEIR family.

My favorite statement in the blog was

"Had he [his father] died of a car accident or some unthinking action of ANOTHER. I would want those that did not know this man to at least ponder why."

All the while the sentiment is that something "could have been done to prevent it!" We feel that this tragedy did not have to happen & only if the perpetrator would have done the "right" thing then this would have not happened. We need to show the world what can be done to prevent this from happening again!

That's the only thing we all want! simply to be aknowledged and to never be forgotten...

Your Soul Family

Mike's death left me with some unfinished business. I needed to communicate to MB that Mike did not die alone. Even though his blood family was not at his funeral, his new family - his soul family - was there to be with him. So I emailed her a piece of the short story I am writing to communicate this to her.

This is the story of Kirk. He is a bitter old man who is forgotten about in a Florida nursing home. He is bitter because he feels that his family has abandoned him there. His friend are all passing away and he finds himself all alone. But his caregiver, Mercy loves him more than he thought was possible to be loved. She gives of herself more than his own family.

...It is the day of Pipo's funeral. As the car approaches the funeral home, Kirk sees Mercy. Mercy, I'm sorry about your dad and I'm sorry that I was so self-involved to realize who you are for me in my life. I have been a fool! "You are a fool..." adds Mercy, jokingly. “You've never noticed that you have my family that loves you. You were ready to throw that away!

Do you see that families are not created solely by blood, you know." She continues. "Some families are just grown from the possibility of love, compassion and respect for one another. Sharing that with another, so profoundly, makes them a soul family."

Mercy continues "The gift that we all possess is the gift of listening - just listening! Sharing your listening is a wonderful gift. Nothing more is asked of you! Just take the time to do this compassionately and you will see a change in your life! All we need to do is share that love and you will have us as family. All I want is for you to allow us to share that with you."

Mercy started to crack Kirk's impenetrable shell. She is pealing off layer of that onion he wraps himself into. She opened up his frozen heart and Kirk was now able to allow himself to be loved. He was fully able to live the possibility of Love and Peace in his life.

Several months have passed since Kirk realized the true meaning of family and those months have been the most wonderful months of his life. His life was profoundly impacted and he was living the Possibility of Love and Peace. He even made it his mission to spread that to every soul he met and people started to see him not as a grumpy old man - but as a loving one. He was finally living a life he enjoyed and was even having fun getting to know people. He even inspired people to love him for who he was being.

But tonight is an unsettling evening for us. See Kirk has been sick for several weeks and the doctors do not give him much time. I feel that he is going to leave this earthly plain real soon.

See, last night I had one of my vivid dreams where I am one of two souls playing in the clouds. The two clouds swirling and chasing one another in a playful exhibition of joy. Pure white clouds - with nothing but a beautiful blue sky to serve as a backdrop. I am living a peaceful and loving interaction with Kirk’s soul. We are having so much fun just experiencing one another, when all of a sudden he pulls away. I feel him saying goodbye as he swooshes away to never return! As he flies off, I wake up from my dream, completely out of breath and wheezing for air. It takes me a few moments to get my air back. It is now 4:30 in the morning and the phone rings. Mercy, don’t tell me its Kirk” I said. Yes, how did you know. The doctors give him only a few more moments, please come down as soon as possible.

I wake up Marc and rush right over to the hospital. I think I ran thru that last stop light at the corner of Lantana and Congress. When I get to the hospital, all I can do is pace back & forth with no sense of peace. Marc falls asleep on the uncomfortable chairs & I try to comfort him into thinking that nothing is wrong. He is here about to lose another friend and all I want to do is shield him from this loss. I don't know what else to do.

I heard a soft voice call my name & I walk over into Kirk’s room in ICU. I leaned over, kissed his forehead & whispered "I love you." I feel a soft squeeze from his time-weathered hand. He just lays there peacefully sleeping for a few more minutes, when all of a sudden, I feel his spirit rush thru as a quick gust passes in front of me. Strangely it smelled like violets - his favorite flower!

At that moment the expression of pain that had his brow wrapped up in a tight clench eased up. The tense frown that dominated his pale red lips now seems to banish & the pink color returns to them momentarily. A tiny tear, tries to squeeze its way out from the wrinkled corner of his right eye. The tear slowly leaves his sky blue eye and starts to drip down his cheek.

As it trails down his weathered face, Mercy takes her soft laced, white linen handkerchief and lovingly wipes away any fears of death that may be growing.

I see the signs of death creeping up on Kirk. His face has a different look and his soul is no longer present. It has lifted away and is about to leave the room when Kirk lovingly utters his last words, "I love you!”

That night Kirk passed away -- not alone as had always been the haunting of his nightmares -- but with his new found 'soul' family by his side.

As his spirit leaves him, Kirk's soul reaches out to Mercy and gives her one last gift - a beautiful legacy! A heart song playing in the background:


"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say...
It is well, it is well, with my soul."


This soft acapella theme, accompanied by angelic sounds speaks to her like angels singing directly to her soul. This song is forever connected with Kirk for her. It plays quietly in her heart every day of her life. With every step, with every challenge, with every triumph, it serves to give her peace & serenity, knowing that Kirk is with God.

Ohh! but most exciting of all – without fail - this angel song accompanies Mercy in her life. It now has been six months since Kirk passed away and there have been good days & bad ones. But everytime Mercy questions God for taking Kirk, this beautiful song comes on the radio. Every time Mercy's path is in question, or when life falters for her. Whenever Mercy is afraid and steps away from God, she is reminded that she is not alone. This is Kirk's way of letting Mercy know that he is with her - every step of the way - every day of her life.

He is one with her soul. And it is well with her soul. His message of love and peace is clearly and lovingly declared - now the whole world will forever know who Kirk is.

Peace is with him now and may love and peace forever fill your soul.

Answers to Questions I never knew I had...

I finally got the answer to the question I didn't even know I had this week!

Let me explain. For about two weeks I have been trying to get together with RB who not only is a friend but also works for me. We would schedule a meeting and all week long our meetings would end up not happening or getting rescheduled. This happened about five times. I needed to get some work done & was needing it complete ASAP. So finally we scheduled a meeting for Saturday 11am. This is unusual since he works at his office in the morning & I usually sleep in on Saturdays.

Anyway I was there at 11am. I am sitting there discussing the project and his wife, MB is in the background making phone calls. MB seems to be upset, but RB is focusing on the project. As we are talking, MB walks up behind RB and stands over his shoulders. I look up and realize that she is quietly crying.

I ask MB if she is ok & she replies "no - I just found out that Mike passed away!" Mike is a 97yr old neighbor of hers that she was very close to. I start to feel the pain MB is feeling and the love she has for Mike. She tells me that Mike did not have any kids and the nearest kin was half-way across the country. Mike always had something beautiful to say. His words were elloquent and inspiring. MB tells me that "Mike is a very loving person & I am going to really miss him." As she is telling me this, she askes me if I felt Mike as his soul left his body.

At that moment I realized that I did feel his presence. Mike had intervined all week long in scheduling the meetings. The meetings did not work out (and as you may know by now - I do not believe in coincidences) so that I can be here for her at this very private, very precious moment. See even with all the missed appointments all I dreamt about this entire week was of peace.

I was there to convay to her Mike's expression of peace for her & to allow her to express to Mike her love for him.

The funeral was private. Only loved ones - his caregiver, RB & MB.